총 36페이지

32 FromInternationalEyes
I am now an expat living in Korea. I
left for a time, but I returned. I moved
to a larger city where there are more
opportunities to interact with English
speakers. I go to art exhibitions and
symphonies and watch inter-mural
sports. I attend candle-making classes.
Butmyfavoriteplaceisausedbookstore
whereIlosemyself.
I work in a university where I have a
chancetomeetotherteachersoncampus
oronthebusandarrangetohavedinner
with them on Friday night or go for a
walkbytheriver.Iamwhereitiseasier
tofindpeoplelikeme.
ButIcan’tforgetmyyearofloneliness.
That memory continues to urge me to
reachouttoothers,tochallengemyown
fearsandprejudices.DoIstillgotothe
bar? On occasion, but not often, to have
a burger and one drink. Friday night is
“Youcannot
abouttheonlytime.Thebarkeepserves
me orange juice, and I still go home as
bealone
theclockstrikesmidnight.
onChristmas.”
Ican’teverforgetthatI’mthedaughter
of an alcoholic. That isn’t going to
change, and my friends understand that
the bar isn’t my thing. They usually
invitemetoamuseuminstead.
Although it’s obvious, I finally learned
tearsinmyeyes.
untilfiveo’clockthenextmorning.
that not all people who have a drink
IfeltashamedasIthoughtofhowthese
I awakened then only because I
are drunks. Not all celebrations need
expats had been there the whole time,
received a video call from my family.
to be in a house or a church or a hall.
opentome,butIhadignoredthem.
When they taunted me by telling me
Sometimes it is just where two or three
No one seemed to notice that it was
about eating pumpkin pie and turkey
people are gathered together-even if the
my first time. Instantly I became one of
legs, I told them of the previous day’s
building is a bar. It’s the attitude-the
the group. People I didn’t really know
dinner.
spirit-thatmakesthedifference.
huggedme,anditwasallright.Igavea
I can never forget that G*d used an
numberofhugsmyself.
In Korea, called the Land of the
Irish Pub in South Korea to teach me
Aseveningturnedtonight,wefinished
MorningCalm,IlearnedthatChristmas
a powerful lesson about people and to
eatingandcleaningup,andIleftaftera
ismorethanjustsongs,three-beansalad,
remind me of our need for mutuality
quiet-and-sinceregoodbyetoeveryone.
or gifts under a tree. Christmas is the
andlove.That’swhereItrulylearnedto
Back in my one-room apartment with
gatheringoffamily,howeverwewantto
valuetheChristmasspirit.
my cell phone full of numbers, my
definefamily.Inmylonelinessthatyear,
stomachfilledwithmashedpotatoesand
I’d forgotten that all of us want to be
*This story was originally published in the book
ChristmasSpiritbyCecilMurpheyandMarleyGibson,
turkey,andmycalendarfullofplansfor
loved-need to be loved-and we all need
St.Martin’sPress,2011.
thenextfewweeks,Ilayonmybedand
tobelong.Thatyear,myfirstinKorea,I
fellasleep.ItwasthesoundestIhadslept
wasblessedtofindthatlonelinessdidn’t
sinceIarrivedinKorea.Ididn’tawaken
havetokeepmealone.
www.theargus.org

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